Seven Pounds is a good movie. I didn't feel sorry for Will Smith's character throughout the movie because he asserted control over his own fate once the given variables were out of his control.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/11/05/happiness.simple.joy/index.html

Had a guy pull a loaded weapon on me. I had to calm him down, this combat stress business is not a joke.

7 more months, gotta watch these things here and now.

Dear Soldier,

ThanK uou for figting for us. and some of you for dyiing foR us. I am so Thanful FoR all SoldieRS. - By Taylor Anthony Diaz

 He even drew a sword and a coat of arms, something I would do lol.

I wanna thank you for whoever put me on the Operation Care Package list, it arrived Oct 7 right before my bday. I still haven't eaten anything out of it yet because it was so special. (except 1 thing on my birthday) I am gonna give the girl scout cookies from Lauren of troop 54 to an injured Afghan kid here.

I'd be happy if they stuck me in an infirmary set up in a village out of nowhere. Some of these people have never even seen medical treatment and when you give them something they really don't even know how to respond.

Not like this though, this minor detail makes my job that much more less rewarding. Through this deployment I don't expect to be directly fired upon or to return fire. Once they realized how short staffed the medical team was they took away my machine gun and issued me a medical aid bag. So conservative or liberal, on a personal level I can rest assured that I am only doing good, by administering medical aid to all who need it, instead of taking lives....

However, I don't think I can ever truly be happy unless I am getting shot at. The whole saving a life while bullets are flying over your head, that's my own personal baptism by fire. I thought going out here would make me more of a realist because I am so not level headed in that aspect, and although I've gotten a tougher skin, it's definitely not holding a fellow solider while he's dying and trying to save him or even seeing the worst this war has done. We can volunteer at the combat support hospital here or even at the humanitarian hospital where kids wounded by the conflict have been infirmed. But with all the time they take out of me, volunteering would offset me into a level a lot more stress. But a part of me thinks that if I see these kids with the missing limbs or the soldiers who are in the ER fighting for their lives... maybe I can learn something profound from it.

If it was up to me, I'd become a UN Peacekeeper after this, and pursue a military career to the end, but with at least more freedom of choice in where I choose to exercise my expertise. Like right now, I belong in the phillipines, where I can administer a crap ton of aid to the disaster victims. I signed up to jump out of helicopters and stabilize lives. I don't need cars, money or even the girl. If my family'd let me, I'd just send them all my money I'd make and live off which ever organization can use me for good. I even thought that maybe in 20+ years or so, when I retire, I can liquefy my assets and start up a relief clinic somewhere right outside of a destabilized state and run it for the people who need it. There's a saying, "You get what you give" and I think that has been the most rewarding and assuring thing in my life.

But my family... I am probably gonna go home and pursue a career in law enforcement... not as fulfilling, but it's not completely off track either. If I don't like it so much, I can keep applying to international agencies, ones that deal directly with arms trafficking, people trafficking, etc...  while working at home. I can build that resume domestically. And maybe even find something worthwhile to anchor me down.

I like the shitty life. I think it's because I don't know what good is a good life. I don't care or have a need for it. But it maybe falling onto my feet for all I know cause I guess that's all my family wants for me. And leaving like this to other frontiers, I miss my friends and home, and I really enjoyed it when they update me about their lives. But at the same time I realized something... all this is happening with or without me. They have their own lives, pretty soon they're gonna get married, have kids, and settle in, they all have to carve roads out of this thing we call life. And by wanting to be away for extended periods of time, it's all about picking my own road to go down, and I realize it's a very purposeful one I've come up with. I am not ruling out the things that can anchor me down to a normal life, but those are the same things that I can't ever really rule out about not having a normal life. The calls of chaotic places call out to me. I miss my friends and family believe me, but I've found the middle ground to know I serve a higher purpose out here and that my friends will be just fine also.

My mom cries, she hardly ever does, but I know I am not supposed to be the cause of it even if I am. I guess one day maybe when I am truly accomplished I can show her that I can do what I do and do what I want to be happy. She understands it though, trying to recruit more people to her side who can affect the way I think.

Don't make the people you love cry when you don't have to, if you do you get an awful feeling and you realize that there's a place in hell for you.

To get more of where I am coming from: http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2009/09/somalia/draper-text

-Places like these I think I should call home.

It's colder out here, never been in below zero weather, and it's coming quick. Each day I see the frost tipped peaks around me and it gets a little bit lower every day. Sometimes the water turns off and sometimes the power turns off. But I hate it most when I am before the shower stall and all it spews forth is hypothermia water. (then you just jump in there and try to get it over quick.) Midday, it gets to be good weather, otherwise it's freezing. (not even cold yet according to the local Afghans) People have a misconception that all Afghans are bad. A lot of them remind me of the Vietnamese of the South during the war, or at least how they would be. They're in unifroms and such and always trying to please the soldiers. A lot of Afghans like us, it's not like Iraq, where the government has brokered a peace treaty for our withdrawal, the Afghans ask of us many things to stabilize and fend off the Taliban. I realize support is waning from the war and even soldiers start to ask why are we here, stamping out terrorism is like stamping out roaches, they just don't go away.

But in Obama's chair, he's acting exactly how he should be, and if all the peices fall into place, success would be measured by how much of a comeback the Taliban can make. The model to look at now is Iraq in 2011. If it destabilizes and the government crumbles, it goes to show how much wasted work has been done. However, if it becomes a place able to be frequented by its former but now American citizens within 10-15 years, that would be success. Black April in Vietnam is gonna happen to Iraq, hundreds of thousands are already seeking asylum, but it is not as bad due to a stable enough government.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/18/magazine/18Afghanistan-t.html?pagewanted=8&_r=1

I like reading stuff like this.

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

- I think it's funny that they add "soldier down" in the chorus of this song, you have to listen to it. 

Being home.... is weird. Feels like vacation, my cousin just had a baby, and when I saw my aunt holding him I was like, "who's baby is that?!!" I forget what 4 months of being away feels like, it's like being gone just yesterday, but everybody's lives has gone on with their changes whether subtle or drastic. 8 more months to go =/

2 good friends of mine just broke up. I still remember seeing the spark between almost 5 years ago, at a semi formal and of how one of my close friend was talking about the girl he had a crush on. haha It doesn't feel like it happened so long ago... I guess 'cause our life is measured and shaped by the moments and events that makes the biggest impact on us. They seem to be both doing well, and I am glad, even though I feel kindda bad about it all, I am sheltered by the impact for being so far away from the epicenter and sheltered from the know of what's been unfolding between them. I feel bad for not being able to be around for everything that happens. I am like the distant uncle that only comes home for Christmas. 

Life is good, just trying to see as many familiar faces as I can before I head back to the big scary place known as the "Valley of the Shadows". Life is so fleeting, and it's clobbering someone like me who's not big on risks with people and second chances.

I think I am subconsiously changing even though really I am the same.

Being deployed isn't bad at all, I am sheltered from the bad economy, am making a lot of money I can't spend, and have 5 years of educational coverage to look forward to when I get back even though I am practically done with college. (thinking about picking up a few trades/ going for the paramedics license.) But yeah, there's always the problem with the dying and all, but I got good karma.

I am not gonna lie I get to be pretty alone at times.... but eh, who doesn't?